!helga pataky!, !writing!

What a way to say goodbye

Hello there. It's been a while. A few months.
I needed time to figure out weather or not I should get back here and keep on writing. I didn't know what I actually want or what I need. I've changed so much during those past 7 years. I don't feel like I belong here anymore.
But, I still wanna write and share, because this place felt like a therapy for a while. I needed this time apart to figure things out about it. I need another place to feel okay.
That's why I need to give this place a farewell and build a new one.

See you for more adventures !

!helga pataky!, !writing!

We are here

Here in Paris, in France, last night nobody wanted to go to bed. We were too afraid to give up on those who were fighting outside, looking for the love ones, or surviving to sleep. War came at our doors. But we keep standing proud. We are wound but not divided. We will keep fighting for our freedom, our rights. They don't want us to be united. They want us to remain divided.

I don't words for what happened. If you follow me on twitter I've been active all night long, mostly in french, thank you for those who asked me if I was okay. I'm very familiar with the neighborhood where the attacks took place. I go there very often with Emett. We were suppose to go there last night, but thank God, he had to work outside the city. We could have been there.


!morning!, !coffee!

Pictural - Public Post

Hello there. Today I'd like to share the work of a young french photographer: Clémence. I discovered her work thanks to a friend.  Her characteristic property is that she managed to develop her own style, fresh and innocent, in her photographies in spite of her young age, she's only 16. Her work inspires sensitivity and frailty, it's fully grown and quiet impressive. I doubt you'd stay heartless once you'll see her work. I won a giveaway she did recently and we met at the very beginning of spring break to set up a shooting session. It happened wonderfully, the weather was delightful and the neighbourhood perfect.

When I went to the photoshoot I was quiet nervous, I had never done such thing before and I'm pretty sure that if I would stay the same person I was when I started this blog I would be upset - I couldn't even bear to see myself on pictures. Clémence was very reassuring and it all went cool. When I discovered the pictures I couldn't recognize myself. I looked so childish and innocent, I would say 'cute' but you might think 'eh what the hell with that girl throwing herself flowers ?!' while I am not hard, but kinda serious. This photoshoot explored a part of me I had left behind. The child inside. I'm smiling constantly like a Disney princess who I'm not, comm'on guys. So you'll probably find it hard to think that this girl on those pictures is the one who talk about so much things in that livejournal;

You can discover the rest of her work on her blog : Menthe & Mangue but also on her facebook page or her flickr

!helga pataky!, !writing!

A few moment of silence

Hello everyone, how's life ? Mine is pretty lame. I'm overreacting of course but this is that I have been so busy with school lately that I can't even properly rest at night. I mean I sleep or I'm tryting to but the fact is that when I wake up I still feel the tiredness :(
I am so late in my work to do because of illness last week and also because of work that I have the double amount of work to catch up and be on time in my courses. I don't think that I'll manage to do it properly as I really have A LOT OF WORK like A LOT. The other thing very upseting xhen you have a large amount of work is the absence of computer. Eugene is dead, like literaly. I put him in a box to send it, hope it'll get fix or that at least I'll have another one in replacement.
Anyway. It's been two months since I'm in couple everything is fine with Yoann, just one thing disturbs him: he does feel insecure about my feelings for him like he keeps wondering why do I date him while I could date another guy. That's sweet and cute. I'm trying to be the more reassuring possible and I hope that it works. Concerning my friends, well I can't see Nouna as much as I'd like to and Tatiana became pretty distant now that she's hanging out with her boyfriend's mates. Stuff with family were pretty confused and complicated lately and I'd rather talk about later on (meaning when I'll get back a proper computer).

!helga pataky!, !writing!

I Still Love Private Laughter and Taking Pictures of the sky :)

Today didn't start that well but ended up with the better way possible : meeting with friends
Yeah, Nanou (my sis) wasn't that great, she fought with mother for the very same reason as usual : she doesn't want her to take her responsabilities with her works like making phone calls, bla bla bla, she got mad, she got a cigarette and we went home.
We went home to my cousin's yesterday (yeah, I know, again) because THE KIDS asked us. I swear that was the kids this time. I found that baby Amber was way more...messy and disobedient when her siblings were there than usual. Anyway.
Nanou and I met with my friends and we had a great time talking about studies, and boys and BLOGGING ! To be frank that's the first time I speak about my livejournal since I've created it four year and half ago. So that was kinda step for me. The thing is that nobody got me confortable enough to speak up about something that personal but this time was different I mean...I felt like I couldn't be judged by them and they also opened up about their own desire to make a blog so I couldn't keep my mouth shut about this topic :) and it felt better than I thought to talk about it.

It made me food for brain about this livejournal, I don't like the word blog. But I never felt better than on this blog. I mean, I started because I wanted to share my thoughts about life in general and about my current happiness back four years ago. I had so much imagination, I could write everyday and I was. Everything was in french when I started but I wanted to expend and find new friends so I make an effort and started to write in english. Everything hadn't been that great since but I can tell that I am still very happy to write there, it comfortes me and make me feel better when eveything goes wrong. Thanks to you guys I learned a lot and I am grateful for the life I have. I am not perfect and I am not reaching it anymore. I got more confidence. I grew up.
I still love to take pictures of the sky, I mean.. that can be seen as silly because the sky is always above us and we all have the same but I don't know why  I like to share it even if tomorrow we will exactly the same. I love taking sky pictures from different spots to see if they match together or not. Especially during the dawn or the twilight. I just love it. It's like this quiet simple and common beautiness was a reason enough to live for me. Just to see it, no matter where you are. It's like God's call.
!helga pataky!, !writing!

Into Silly Interrogations

Hei ~ I had a nice and sweet day,  sun is shining I love spring. Flowers bloomed, that's wonderful. I woke up early in the morning again this week to work for that exam that I had early today. Roman History; our teacher is only 24 we think with my friends but he is so cute, we asked him to make a picnic outside after our final exam on May. HE IS HOT; that's said !
This morning when I woke up and smoke that last cigarette from my pack, I was about to cry while the sun wasn't up yet and I saw the moon...the full moon light on me. I felt watched and went to write. I was about to cry but I didn't and I worked then until the day comes.
The exam went pretty well, my memory kept me from big blanks and God as well helped me being that strong to handle it. After what, as I didn't have money my friends invited me for lunching in front of the Seine. That was good to chill out that way.
Afterwhile we went to the library but we weren't that inspired to work and the sun was shining so bright that we stayed outside. I saw that guy I like and we said hello (in France we kiss our cheeks two times), his lips went on mine. But that was very brief and I don't think it noticed it. He looks better than before, I mean, he is different. He is like before. I don't know if I told you but I noticed at some moment, about weeks ago, that he was distant to me and pretty strange. A week ago, a girl who knows about my feelings told me that he may know that I'm intrested, well I don't care I'm a grown up and I'm not afraid to be rejected, we can't please anyone, isn't it ?
Anyway, let's talk about the other guy I like from far away. He is a student in my college but I don't know his name or what he does. We see each other frequently next to the library but we never spoke to each other, I noticed him a few months ago but I lost him when he got a girlfriend and I, a boyfriend. I don't know if he is single now, I don't really mind, it's just a little crush, as I never talked to him I just like to watch him while we smoke with our friends. He's nothing but a pleasure to my eyes and I don't expect him to do something to talk to me or to show any intrest. Therefore, we spent our afternoon not that far from each other 'cause we moved to the same places both.
I spent the whole afternoon on a grass laughing and talking with my friends. That's life.

2013-04-24 20.06.24

Again, today I looked into my mirror and wondered who was that girl. Is that me ? So unperfect but satisfied with my face ? Is that me, the one who woke up in the middle of the night to smoke a cigarette ? Who is this person ? I feel that I am kinda lost somehow, therefore, I can spend beautiful days, like today, when I feel so blessed and so protected by Our Holy Lord. And my friends are there and I am so thanksful about them and what they give me. They are so precious, I'd like to thank God for it too...
Still, confidence is missing at some point even though I'm working hard on it. Everything is getting better, I have some goals to achieve and it's really exciting to feel that I'm going somewhere.
!helga pataky!, !writing!

The peace

The war is over I'm speaking to my sister again, I even offered her a few things for baking. I spoke to our best friend, there was no fight she just didn't understand the fact that my sister gave her a different version of the story. So now we are speaking to each other but she said to our best friend Nouna that nothing will be the same as she saw a another face of me. She thinks that I'm a materialist as I was upset about the money I lost and as I made her feeling guilty. I don't care. She didn't grow up to my opinion. I also know that she has been pissed off since I told her to cut off with my friends from University and especially Yohann. Again, I don't care. I forgive and I keep living my life.
About forgiving I'm about to talk again to my cousin. I'll bring her a customer (a friend of mine called Jennifer) and so than we can talk again. Fair enough, right ?

A week of holiday Here again, a new term is starting this week but here again, I'm home. Playing Assassin'S Creed III, I'll talk about later on. I didn't went to my classes for many reasons. 1. I needed holidays 2. I'm overexhausted 3. I didn't pick the number of the rooms when I made my schedule 4. It's snowing in Paris, it's terribly cold and it gets me even more tired 5. I don't sleep at night. All are good reasons and I forbid you to tell the contrary...or do what you want.